The Big C......

So this is going to be a post which is completely out of my comfort zone, I am the one people talk to not the one talking, But I started my blog to talk about everything that I loved, enjoyed and most of all subjects close to my heart. I have been putting off writing about this for a while now and just talking about it in general, but I feel that its something that too many people have experienced and something that too many people either now far too well or don't seem to know enough about. 
Please don't feel this is how you need to deal with anything I mention, or the right way or the only way you could experience it, it's simply one individual wanting to talk about a subject that far too many people have experienced. 

Hello you beautiful people, I have been thinking about writing a post along these lines for a while, and generally it kinda scares me a hell of a lot, to talk about something so many people have been through or are going through right now; Cancer. Please if you have opened this up to read then just let me tell you, this is in no way me telling anyone how to deal with cancer, and I certainly am not going to be telling you I know how you feel or everything is going to be okay, because the harsh reality is, everyone experiences cancer on their own, be it personally, through a family member or a friend, no two experiences are ever the same, and that can be one of the hardest things to admit, but one of the best things to hear, that no one will be going through the same thing as you, but there is always someone there to listen.

My own experience and most impacted time I had with cancer was with my dad, from the years 2007-2010 I lived along side the bravest man I know, but at the same time I was living alongside a man that I had had in my life since the day I was born and yet since mid 2008 I knew that man wouldn't make it too two more christmases, and to say that didn't hurt like hell would be a massive understatement.  But this isn't really a write up about how I'm feeling, and it's not a post looking for sympathy, its simple me saying not enough people talk about Cancer, people explain to friends, or family and they're the people that know how you were effected, and sure I had a wonderful unit of friends and family, I still do, they were the people who got me through this, my friends are and still are the back bone of how I get through hearing a cancer advert on TV, Running race for life with my best friend in July has helped me realise that people who may not have experienced cancer in the same way that I have are still passionate about beating and doing all they can to stop it, but some people don't have anyone to talk to, someone people bottle it up inside and are just waiting to explode. Now I wish I had a mass following of thousands of people so this message could get around to all the people I wished it to, but even if this helps just one person, even if that one person is a friend I have on Facebook and they never speak to me about it again then I've helped that one person that may not have ever come to me for help or may have not even waved at me in the street, and at the end of the day, just having someone to explain anything, the smallest detail or feeling could be the difference between exploding or crying, and I'd hell rather cry my eyes out to my pillow then let my silly head overthink every bloody factor, problems or thought hat runs through our heads daily. Cancer isn't a dirty word that needs to be ignored or hushed about in public,  the conversation of what happened to your dad, mum, sister or friend  shouldn't be followed by a guilty apologise, but followed by 'I'm Sorry, but I am here for you, Talk about it, get it off your chest, right it on a piece of paper and burn it in your garden, but please please please don't sit at home and keep it bottled up!'

Going through the experience of living with or simply knowing someone close to you who has cancer is one of the hardest processes you could imagine, and sadly most people don't need to imagine it, and that first hand experience is all too really for them, and for me all I can say is its not easy, nothing about it is easy, anyone can tell you to talk about, scream into a pillow or go off the rails every Friday night, but it simply isn't something you can just get over, nor should you have to get over it but more of 'slow and steady wins the race' when in fact slow and steady slowly so ever so slowly starts to fill up that feeling you have inside your chest. 

I wasn't really ever the biggest person on talking about my problems and more of the person that listens to other peoples problems, and I guess that still is the way 95% of the time but through loosing my dad I learn that opening up about all the crappy feelings I felt was possible the best way to deal with everything, of course certain things are going to stay secret and sometimes you can only talk to friends or certain problems will only suit a family member who is experiencing the same thing as you, but no matter the way and who you choose to talk to is decided, talking needs to be done, as I can tell you now I wish I had used the amazing people I had in my life to help understand some of the stuff I was going through. So far I have spent about 2 weeks slowly writing this post and questioning the right time to put it up and now I feel is the right time, 5 years have gone by since I lost my dad, but I know that someone out there it hasn't even been a year or its just reached the 2nd year mark, or even this heart wrenching loss is something they are preparing for, so I know that too many people stop their lives for cancer, they count onto the anniversaries and the birthdays and the days gone by and the little amount of days to come but that isn't what you need to focus on, I did all I could with my dad before he died, if we wanted to do it together no matter what it was, be it museum or rock concert me my mum and sister made sure it was completed up to its best ability, and that is what you should focus on, on the number of days but the days spent doing what you want to do, make the memories cause they are the thing that will get you through those dark days, they are the images you will remember on the birthdays and the 1,2,3 year mark and they are want really counts in the end. 

Finally I would just like to mention the small small thing me and my best friend are taking part in, in order to put our donations and time towards kicking cancer in the teeth for once and for all! 
I'M RUNNING 10K, I know I've been running a lot more lately but this is gonna be a big feet and something that won't be easy, but cancer has been winning for far to long and who can beat cancer better then a load of slightly unfit females wearing pink and running 6.2miles within the summer heat. I'm doing my bit to honour you dad, just like the thousands of people who run, walk, jig, swim and jump out of bloody helicopters in order to stop cancer that little bit each time, if donations are something you feel interested in then please don't hesitate to click the link to my JustGivingPage even if it is 1 penny my heart will be for ever grateful and we can be one step closer to beating cancer once and for all. 

I know this was a very open post and I would just like to say again, this is not me looking for sympathy or asking to be reassured in my sponsorship of my Race for life but simple lending out a hand in order to try and help someone if they feel they might need someone to talk to. 
Never hesitate to email: I will talk your ear off and write endless paragraphs in order to even help just one person.

Loving Always With Big hair....

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