A long Post About Being Unapologetically Bloody Happy

Okay so today I have been through a lot. If anyone knows me, or has heard my many stories, then they will be well aware that I am bad when it comes to blood, needles, bones, and the general human body as a whole, I will literally faint for near enough anything that isn't meant to be there; so you can imagine how over the mood I was that I would go to my doctors at quarter to 10 in the morning and have not 1 but 2 needless punched into my arm. (Small disclaimer the needles were not in fact 'plunged' and Barbra the new nurse was in fact very lovely and funny about the whole situation, but it makes me feel better if we say plunged, I don't feel like so much of a wimp in this 'plunging' situation.) In comparison to the photo above I now have 2 dead arms that can not be lifted above my head in such a care free attitude. 
Injections 2 - Alice 0. 

However, this morning while I was making the dreaded walk of shame, and you can call it a revelation or whatever you wish, I decided and as silly as it may sound, that seeing as I left the house with no make up on, shit scared I would need my arm amputated and not really a care in the world; well apart from the needles that would soon be put into my arm, that I felt good, really bloody good, And thats when it got me thinking, and mentally making a list right up in this big old brain of mine. 
More then ever I am happy with myself, I'm happy with how I'm feeling, how I'm looking and my general life in general. And I'm bloody proud of that fact, so here it is... 

(This next section was written a whole day after the first. I was moaning about my arms, packing and everything basically, this was the start of my bad day. 8 hours before the bad day started.) 

I take a lot of selfies, it's not a lie I mean my own mum always says she knows before I leave the house I'll take a photo or even just look at  myself in her mirror. It's hard to ignore it really I mean this mirror the size of the entire wall, so I'm fulfilling the original purpose I guess. Basically I like taking photos and seeing if I look nice or not. It doesn't even always go anywhere. But I know it's on my phone and when suddenly I'm wearing this blue velvet body con dress and I know and feel really bloody good in; I'll take my phone out have a look and just feel good again for a little while longer. 
It's been quite hard to write this post as I seem to have started it on a good day and now I seem to be having a bad day. It is in fact 24hrs after the dreaded injections and I think if I cut my arms off it might actually feel better. And even though I have a day and a half left until I move to uni and still so much to do. I have sat myself down, with a giant cup of tea and decided I am not allowed to go anywhere until I get this post written. I missed the daily posts the other day and the day before so I need to make myself write. Plus I kinda like this photo that I took the other day and don't want to use it without a shameless self promotion of my blog all at the same time. You see it's all going to plan I can just write and anything which I think seem to be coming out on the keyboard. Well that might be bad so I might go back and look over this and my shocking spelling just after I have finished. 

Throughout my self process of feeling good I use to lie and say I only felt truly happen when I was drunk, this of course was a lie, I was also happy when I was asleep. And if you could hear me make that really bad sort of joke you might have a little giggle, but seeing as you are not then well I guess I'll just pretend that you laughed.  I've a bit of a stressful week but now a bad day, I've sat and watched trailers for films on IMDB for what I assume was about an hour, I've had a packet of hula hoops for breakfast and also decided that if you cut both my arms off it would less pain then what I am feeling because of these stupid injections. But then I also thought maybe if I write about feeling happy and how I have strongly been feeling these past couple of weeks then maybe I'll start to feel great again. And if not least I know I have written something today which is fingers crossed and okay thing to read. It might be long but that's okay have a sit down and learn or take some tips on how to be happy and not give a shit who or what anyone says. 

When I wear heels I can reach heights of 6ft 2. I am a dress size of either a 18,16,14 or 12. I have short legs for my height. I have tummy fat. I have a big bum and very bad social skills. But I'm happy. I am happy with how I look right now. In fact I have lost a small, tiny, barely anything little but of weight. And I have nothing in order to so. Well I assume I've lost weight as people keep telling me I look slimmer but really I think It's all lies and I only look better because I am not only wearing baggy clothes and things that don't fit me. My clothes are nice now. I like what I've been wearing. I've discovered that I feel and look better with a tan. I have also decided that I like having my legs out when it's freezing because you know what my legs look nice when they're questionably orange. 

I also understand that as I am typing this it could make no sense at all. But then again most of the things I write on here are out pours of my brain, and whats a good personal blog without a mentally typed breakdown once every few months or so. And this is it. 

There is kinda only one thing to which I can talk about being happy, and making yourself happier as  person. You need to know exactly what it is you want. Or what you want to overcome and then well that's it. You're kinda gonna reach it very soon. Hopefully. I think my mind set on most things has changed, and I have no idea if it's because I've started drinking Rosè and therefore my brain assumes I'm and adult now. I've started eating better (besides the packet of hula hoops this morning.) Or maybe it is something as simple as I am wearing 100% what I want to wear and feeling good in it. I will take a photo and if my stomach doesn't look flat or perfect it's okay because to be honest I'm not fooling anyone there ain't no flat stomach here. But the clothes that I now takes me a week to decide what to buy are clothes that I like and clothes I know look good. 

So as I sit in my front room, looking at all the stuff that I still need to pack for uni and how secretly stressed I am that I will miss my dog too much or forget my hairdryer. I wanna be back to feeling happy again. I'll have a shower do my makeup and slap on some fake tan and maybe I'll start to feel good again. 

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