Why I Stopped Trying To Be Cool

There use to be a time when I use to think that being 'cool' was the best thing in the world, I wanted to be in the popular group of girls in my local area and I use to want to be classed as in no other terms but 'cool'. It was a very important think when I was younger, not in a way like today when judging coolness at 13 is easy if you have the best phone or wear the most layers of foundation; when I was 13 being cool was a fight for the death and it always helped if you had a materialistic mum that wouldn't care if their daughter happened to be kinda of a bitch but as long as they were cool.
I've mentioned it before but I use to want to be the cool arty kid, so that kinda shows the level of my un-coolness. It wasn't miss popular and the girl all the boys wanted to ask out it was the ones who had talent and stood out and were a little different from the rest. One of the main reasons behind my obsession with vintage clothing and charity shops throughout the ages of 14-16. There wasn't a charity shop I couldn't find something in.
I use to have images of the kids from bring it on in my head as the cool ones, but with the non existence of cheerleaders and jocks throughout my life that soon became hard to measure, so that idea behind what 'cool' was needed to change.
I feel as though I need to have inverted commas around the world cool, as still at this ripe age of 20 I wouldn't say that there is for sure someone that I could call 110% cool. I can think of people who have cool dress sense or a cool job and I can think of people who as classed as cool simply because of who they hang around with. Yes true a large amount of these people are in fact famous or on the celebrity ladder of some type but it also stems into my life. I know people who make cool graphics, and have had a cool career and people that take killer cool pictures. It is though the actions I describe as cool, since hitting 18 or 19 I never liked to describe people as cool, as it makes me feel they are only one thing, this isn't too say that they only have one talent and the rest of them is boring. In my eyes it limits someone to one thing, and why be one thing cool when you can be 100 things full stop.

I would like to say that 20 years of age I have it done to a T to what being cool takes, if I could write it down and give it too you then I would, bottle my coolness and sell it on. But sadly that isn't the case, there is no list to how to be cool, these isn't a secret recipe only the popular kids have and there sure isn't any genius plan in getting there.

From someone on the outside, my don't care state of mind might be classed as cool, but now I just make to announce up on entry, that I am in fact not cool at all. Someone might say I'm lying or 'no don't say that, you're super cool.'  As if there is a bad factor to in fact letting people know that I am not you cool guide to the chill and hip.

I would like to know where the obsession with being 'cool' has come from, of course theres the bad guys in those 80's movies I love so much, but they soon became the mean pretty popular girl in high school dramas `and they soon lost their place to the 'strange' kid who stole their boyfriends and soon enough it had come full circle, the odd one was now the cool one and the original mean cool girl was just a straight up bitch.

So what I want to know is where did this come from? Who is there to decide who is cool who isn't. This wasn't something I was kinda willing to let anyone decide for me, of course I was never gong to tun around and say 'hey I'm Alice and I'm so cool, don't you wish you were me.' So I made it myself, I fell in love with uncool things and said even un-cooler stuff, and 100% wore things that will never been classed as cool.

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