I'm Dancing... Leave Me Alone!

When I'm dancing in a club and having a good time and drunk or not, when I move away from you on the dance floor it is not a sign for you to chase me, I am not wanting you to follow me, this look I just gave my friend isn't wide eyed and happy that you're slowing trying to grab my arse, this is the look known universally to every female as the look that I need to move away from the so called person behind me who for some reason things I can't feel his hand on my back, and seems to think I want your sweaty arm round me when all I'm trying to do it dance to old school RnB and have a good time with my friends. When I'm dancing in the club, bar, street or any bloody where please do not assume I am so drunk that I do not know what you are trying to do or that I even want you to do that, I'm sorry was me moving away 5 times not clear enough. Give me my space. 

Now please this is in no way me saying that it is annoying that I keep getting so much guy attention, I mean I challenge you to find anyone more single then I am right now, but this does not mean that I want to be any part of your late night pulling scheme. I know it gets busy in clubs and I know you don't always mean to knock into me and I can handle that, that I am okay with I can deal with that. But please stop trying to think that because we are in a room with minimal light, sticky floors and questionable toilets that it makes it okay to A line for my arse, lips, hips or face and suddenly think that's all it takes to 'pull' me. I mean if I'm walking along the high street and you grabbed my arse its harassment, I have enough of getting angry at cat callers let alone having to watch out for stray hands and lips, so why does it make it okay for it to be done within the comfort or R Kelly tunes and red bull mixers. Why does suddenly pinching a random persons arse become the new wave or hand shake and why when I tell you to leave me alone do you assume I'm playing hard to get.

I have found the more I go out, and the more you seem to dance the more people seem to think that it is okay to just approach you and try and get in on your night, by playing it cool and bringing out their best chat up lines, except they aren't lines at all they're hands, too many hands for one night, hands from every angle and places you don't even know where they're coming from. And the thing that kills the most is that 95% of the time the owners of those hands don't seem to understand the many hints we manage to drop, walking away or moving doesn't seem to help, telling them to stop doesn't work, physically taking their hand off your arse fails, Swapping places with your flat mates is inconsistent and shouting at the to "Fuck off" is deemed to over the top, so what I'm just meant to let you put your hand up my skirt, or thrust your crouch into my back because I should and because I've worn my good makeup, fitted top and pulling out some of the best dance moves this side of the 80's cause I'm sorry but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I will work my way across the other side of the room, into a completely new section of the club to get away from you and I will sit in the toilets until I deem it okay to come back out and enjoy my night. But then I think why should I have to do doing this? Why am I stopping having fun to move away from the arse grabbing, sweaty machine that is so many people in clubs.

Here's the thing, you wouldn't do this in a shop, or a house, or the queue at Tesco's so why is it happening in clubs and bars, why suddenly in a place like this where surprise surprise but people like me and my friends go for to have a good time and I having to always be on the watch out for people trying touch any part of me they can reach. I am having a good time and dancing for me, for my friends to enjoy ourselves, I am not some sexy siren who is trying to win you over and as much as you might think I'm staying into your eyes and giving you 'signs' I'm not, I more then likely already know what you're thinking about doing, as by the way we can spot you from 15ft away before you've even and your move, and already we have 5 escape routes planned and a well thought out and practiced fake girlfriend/boyfriend situation worked out. So for the sake of you not having to waste your own time and for me not having to give up the prime space me and my girlfriends have managed to find, in the perfect place on the dance floor just to escape you and your 'pulling' friends please learnt these little things us girls do in order to try and give you the HINT that we do not want your hand on my arse or any other part of my body, I do not want your number or a drink and I will not leave my friends in order to follow you around like a list puppy all night. 

The Look:
This is something that all girls known, it is passed down through families and friendship groups and if you try and tell me you have never seen 'the look' either being used on you or someone you know then you just don't know what it is. This is the stepping stone into the signal to friends to help you out, if there's no where to go the look with get the swapped places, have them danced away which in turn looks like every other dance and turn move performed by a group of girls except this will carry on until you are made aware that we don't want to let her be near you. 

Fake Girlfriend/Boyfriend:
This is not as common as the look and is reserved for the people we think will take the most work until they leave you alone, it is performed by the best of friends and the will never be any floors in your plan because as some point you would have promised to marry your fake partner if you are both still single and alone by the age of 40. This however can back fire and for the really keen if not stranger beings out there, will not in fact be a deterrent but will pursue more effort on their part as they believe a group display is on the cards for them, and that is how the Fake lover turns into the walk away. 

The Walk Away:
This is normally reserved for the end of the night when we know we'll be going home soon and quite frankly we cannot be bothered to even try and think up and excuse, argue moan or make any effort in spending time on you, so we simply walk away and hope you don't think it's wise to follow me. 

Good Old Fashioned Shout:
Now I will say I do not like this, and I do not like it when things grow to this level of need, but sometimes it just has to be done. When all of the above do not work and nothing seems to be sinking in with the said individual, a little louder note and angry tone can be the thing to even though result in a sarcastic comment, something along the lines of "yeah well you're not that fit anyway," is quite literally normally the only thing that will work. 

So next time if you think you're playing it cool and doing what yo want to grab your next kiss, just think that when they're walking away or ask you to stop, maybe it's just not what the other person is wanting right in this moment. 

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